Doomsday Clock Reset as Atomic Scientists Warn of Apocalypse

Been a rough year so far, right?

You could probably go for a bit of good news amidst all the talk of border walls, Muslim bans, and Mary Tyler Moore getting cast in that big sitcom in the sky?

Well, we hate to break it you (although you really should’ve figured it out from the headline), but you’ve come to the wrong place!

In case you’re not familiar with the Doomsday Clock, rest assured that it’s every bit as terrifying as it sounds.

Started in 1947 by  The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ Science and Security Board (If that’s too much to remember, just think, “really smart people.”), the clock is meant to serve as a indicator of how close we are to the end of the world.

Today, it inched forward 30 seconds, bringing it to 11:57:30, the closest it’s been to midnight since 1953, when both the U.S. and Soviet Union tested hydrogen bombs.

(In case symbolism isn’t your strong suit, midnight on the Doomsday Clock equals ka-blooey.)

Today’s move has been described as “unprecedented,” and not surprisingly, it has more than a little to do with the election of Donald Trump.

“Make no mistake, this has been a difficult year,” Rachel Bronson, executive director and publisher of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists

In its official statement about how colossally f–ked we all are, the board had this to say:

Over the course of 2016, the global security landscape darkened as the international community failed to come effectively to grips with humanity’s most pressing existential threats, nuclear weapons and climate change …

“This already-threatening world situation was the backdrop for a rise in strident nationalism worldwide in 2016, including in a U.S. presidential campaign during which the eventual victor, Donald Trump, made disturbing comments about the use and proliferation of nuclear weapons and expressed disbelief in the overwhelming scientific consensus on climate change.”

So there you have it folks. 

We’re a little bit closer to the end of the world, and darn it, if those pesky Russians aren’t involved again.

It’s been all down with them since Yakov Smirnoff blew up, but electing their brutal dictator’s BFF as our president probably didn’t help matters.

But hey, at least those of you live along our southern border will have a big, dumb $14 billion monument to racism to look as it as your face melts off!