Agent Orange doesn’t read books, he’s too busy tweeting from his Android

Hey, remember during the election, when SO MANY people were just yelling constantly about Hillary Clinton’s emails and her unsecure server and omg, the whole thing was just worse than the Teapot Dome Scandal and Watergate put together because Benghazi and Anthony Weiner and emails! You would have thought that people were making a concerted effort to make Hillary Clinton seem as corrupt and unhinged as Agent Orange. Well, guess what? Now that Baby Fists is Emperor-for-Life, all he does is sit around the White House, watching cable news and growing increasingly bitter. Oh, and he’s also still tweeting on his old Twitter account. And he’s using his old unsecure Android phone to tweet.

Where did Trump’s last two tweets come from? Android. So, is he still posting from his personal phone?

— Steve Kopack (@SteveKopack) January 25, 2017

I eagerly await months of investigations into Baby Fists’ use of a private, unsecure cell phone. He has the nuclear codes, keep that in mind. But I’m sure he doesn’t want to get rid of his Android because that’s the number Putin has for him.

Meanwhile, did you know that Agent Orange doesn’t read books?

It’s common knowledge that Barack Obama loved a good read, but what are the chances we’ll see Donald Trump inspiring book clubs across the country with similar president-approved paperbacks? If a new report by the New York Times is any indication, the chances are slim to none.

President Trump “does not read books,” according to the Maggie Haberman’s recent report, which details Trump’s first few days in the White House. This isn’t the first time Trump’s aversion to the written word has been noted. In July, Tony Schwartz, the ghostwriter behind Trump’s 1987 book The Art of the Deal told The New Yorker that in the 18 months he spent with Trump, he “never saw a book on Trump’s desk, or elsewhere in his office, or in his apartment.” Schwartz told the magazine, “I seriously doubt that Trump has ever read a book straight through in his adult life.”

Additionally, a July Washington Post article reported similar information, first noting that Trump had not read any biographies of U.S. presidents because he didn’t have the time. The article also reported Trump as saying that he does not read extensively because he is able to come to correct decisions “with very little knowledge other than the knowledge I [already] had, plus the words ‘common sense,’ because I have a lot of common sense and I have a lot of business ability.”

[From Entertainment Weekly]

Because I’m a nerd, I remember when people made a big deal about how President George W. Bush adhered to the “Blink” philosophy of decision-making. Blink was an interesting book by Malcolm Gladwell, who theorized that more often than not, people’s first instinctual decision/choice is the best one. Dubya famously went with his gut. And he was famously not a reader either, although he at least put in an effort to LOOK like a reader. I feel like Baby Fists doesn’t read books because he has the attention span of a five-year-old on a sugar high and the intelligence of a box of hair. He is so ignorant, he doesn’t even know he’s ignorant. He’s so profoundly stupid, it wouldn’t even occur to him to try to improve or learn anything new. Buckle up.

Q: What books are you reading?
A: Look over there. There are some books.

— Peter Hamby (@PeterHamby) January 18, 2017

Photos courtesy of Getty.